How you speak to yourself matters, but changing how you speak to yourself can be challenging, especially if that inner critic controls the narrative.
If you want to switch up your self-talk to be more positive and self-supportive it takes time (and a lot of practice) but this guide will give you the steps you need to get started.
1. Give the voice in your head a name
Separating yourself from the negative narrative or unhelpful self-talk is a great way to stop identifying with it; an easy way to do this is to give a new name to your ‘inner critic’. That way when you notice your self-talk is not make you feel your best you can speak directly to your inner critic like it is another person.
2. Notice the stories you tell yourself
Start journaling to keep a record of the things you say to yourself when you’re not in a good mindset and start to look for patterns. What are the stories you are telling yourself about yourself? Are these stories actually true or coming from a place of fear?
3. Learn how to re-write the narrative
Reframe what your inner critic tells you to be more supportive or open-ended. Instead of telling yourself “I can’t do this”, change it to “I can’t do this yet…”. Look for ways to start re-writing those unhelpful stories.
4. Thank your inner critic
Practice calling your inner critic out by name; say to that voice “Thank you for showing me what isn’t working” or “thank you for sharing this fear with me”. Let your inner critic know that you’ve got your own back, that you can change and that nothing is ever set in stone.
5. Give yourself a next step or goal
Our brains like evidence, if we’re telling ourselves that we can’t do something then not trying gives our brain evidence that we can’t do it (becuase we have’t tried). Equally, showing up and failing because of lack of belief proves that self-doubting part of us right. So, if you want to re-write your inner stories then you also have to take action to give yourself that evidence. Maybe you can’t do that thing yet but you can take steps to try or you can research what you need to learn to improve. Back yourself up with action and start shifting your self-image to a more empowering place.
Want more inspiration?
Listen to this episode of Fill Up Your Cup Podcast for a full break down of the 5 steps to improving your self-talk!